


What Fools These Mortals Be

by Anthusiasm (HalfwayDecentFanfiction)



Category: Galavant (TV)
Genre: (but she's learning!), Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Galavant is very dramatic, Internalized Homophobia, Isabella is buff, M/M, Madalena is bad at boundaries, Midsummer Night's Dream AU, Not Actually Sex Pollen, Polyamory, Richard is a woobie, Sid did not sign up for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8892082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfwayDecentFanfiction/pseuds/Anthusiasm
Summary: A king, a queen, a princess, and a knight get lost in the woods.  Shenanigans ensue.  AU of Episode Five.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sororising](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sororising/gifts).



“So,” said Richard, looking around. “This is awkward.”

He, Isabella, Madalena, and Galavant were standing in a clearing.

“How did you find me?” Isabella said, glowering at Richard.

“Well, I was waiting for you to show up and bring me Galavant so that I could kill him, but you never showed. I was about to kill your parents, but then I thought, well, let’s not be too hasty, she might just be lost or something, no reason to jump straight to the murder,” he said.

“Idiot,” muttered Madalena.

“So I came out to look for you,” Richard continued.

“And I noticed him sneaking off and came to see what he was up to,” said Madalena. “I should’ve known not to bother, honestly.”

“You know, you really shouldn't talk about the details of your murder plot in front of the person you're planning to murder," said Galavant.

"Damn," said Richard. "Did not think of that."

"Galavant," said Isabella. "I'm sorry, I didn't--" 

"What are you going to say?" said Galavant. "That you didn't have a choice? You could've come clean at any point and asked for my help." 

"He kidnapped my parents. You don't understand. You couldn't understand." 

"Yes, you're right, how thoughtless of me. There's no way I could ever understand what it's like to have someone you love kidnapped," said Galavant. "Oh, wait! That did happen to me. In fact, that's the entire plot." 

"That's different, my parents wanted--" said Isabella, then she seemed to catch herself. 

Galavant looked wounded for a second, then snapped, "Well, excuse me for thinking Madalena wanted me to rescue her after you _told_ me she wanted me to rescue her. I should've known you were lying about that, too." 

"I wasn't...well, I didn't _know_ whether or not I was lying about that," said Isabella. 

"Wow, the liar lies so much she can't keep track of her own lies," said Galavant. 

"You know what? I don't deserve this," said Isabella. "I changed my mind. I didn't hold up my end of the deal. I don't know what else you want from me. I'm going to go rescue my parents myself. Enjoy your reunion with your ex." 

She left, heading in what Richard was pretty sure was the direction of his castle. Richard considered following her, but then, that would be a lot of running. Gareth would probably take care of it.

Galavant looked at Madalena. Madalena looked at Galavant.

“Just to clarify: did you ever need rescuing?” Galavant said to Madalena

Madalena snorted, leaning against a tree. “Look at him. He couldn’t beat me in a staring contest. I’d like to see him try to hold me against my will.”

“I object to that,” said Richard. “I’ve won lots of staring contests.”

“Right, just clarifying, I suppose,” said Galavant, ignoring Richard. He put his hand to his sword awkwardly, then removed it, looking around as if unsure of what to do.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, you know,” said Madalena. “I had a whole thing planned! A reconciliation dinner! Candlelight, your favorite foods, the works!”

“Are you expecting me to just stand there while you flirt with him?” said Richard.

“Really?” Galavant said, ignoring Richard. “So…you were going to run away with me?”

“God, no,” said Madalena. “I was planning to keep you at the palace.”

“Again, standing right here,” said Richard, waving. “Husband with a sword.”

“ _Keep_ me?” said Galavant.

“Don’t worry, I’d take good care of you,” said Madalena.

“I’m not a pet!” said Galavant.

“Look, I’m married to a man who couldn’t possibly satisfy me sexually,” said Madalena. “Can’t you just do me a solid here?”

“All right, now you’re starting to hurt my feelings,” said Richard.

“Strangely enough, I feel no responsibility to save you from your own terrible decisions,” said Galavant.

“That would’ve been more convincing if you hadn’t just taken an epic, thousand-mile journey to do exactly that,” said Madalena.

“Perhaps I lost my taste for rescuing damsels after taking an epic, thousand-mile journey with a woman who has actual agency,” said Galavant.

“Excuse you, I have agency,” said Madalena. “I had a whole song about it earlier. I’m stringing along a rich and powerful man to achieve my own goals while screwing my way through several disposable boy-toys on the side. If that’s not feminist, I don’t know what is.”

“All right, that is it!” said Richard. “All this bickering has distracted you from my master plan: to lure Galavant to me so I could kill him!” He started to draw his sword.

“You realize we’re alone in the middle of the woods and your army doesn’t know where we are, right?” said Madalena.

“But this is an inappropriately dramatic setting for a vengeful murder, so I will do that later,” said Richard, re-sheathing his sword.

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.

“See, I’m not even the slightest bit worried about Isabella being alone out there,” said Galavant.

“Because she betrayed you and now you don’t care if she lives or dies?” said Richard.

“No!” said Galavant. “I've...she made some mistakes, but...she's right. I know what it feels like to want to help the people you love."

"And you yelled at her until she left because..." said Madalena. 

"Oh, I was just giving her a hard time," said Galavant. "It's a thing we do. She gets it." 

Richard had no idea how Galavant had come up with that interpretation of events. "Does he really think--" he asked Madalena.

"Yep," said Madalena.

"Even after the running away?"

"He's very self-absorbed."

“Well, lucky she can take care of herself, because if something bad did happen to her, she’d never know you’d forgiven her,” said Richard, laughing. “And that would just be sad.”

“Oh, god,” said Galavant, looking horrified. He turned and ran in the same direction Isabella had run earlier.

“Stop that, I am not done with you,” said Madalena, following him.

“Hey, guys?” Richard called after them. “You’re coming back, right? Should I just…wait here?”

Another wolf howled.

“You know what, actually, I'm coming with you!” Richard yelled, then, as quickly as he could, followed them.

 

Madalena awoke the next morning on the forest floor with twigs in her hair.

“Ugh, am I going to have woods hair?” said Madalena. “Because I became Queen specifically to avoid woods hair.” She looked around, the sunlight forcing her to squint. A bird trilled a merry good-morning tune. "Shut up," she yelled, because that was the sort of thing evil queens did, and when Madalena went with a conceit, she committed.

It’d been dark last night, and she’d lost track of Galavant. But she wasn't alone. Someone nearby was snoring. She got up and crept towards the noise, then stopped still.

Princess Isabella was lying there in front of her, and perhaps it was something about the lighting, or perhaps Madalena was just tired, but Isabella was absolutely radiant. Worse than that, she was adorable. Her lips were small and soft, her face was round and inviting, and even woods hair seemed to look good on her.

Madalena was overwhelmed by the urge to lie there next to her and watch her sleep, or perhaps gently kiss her awake.

Instead, she shook Isabella, hard.

“Wha—” said Isabella, coming to.

“How dare you,” Madalena said, because really, how else was she supposed to respond to this? “How dare you be this beautiful.”

“Thank you?” said Isabella.

“Now I have to plan a whole new seduction,” said Madalena. “Not to mention the political implications of taking the former Crown Princess as my consort.”

“Consort?” said Isabella, pulling away. “That’s…really out of nowhere.”

“Look, ordinarily I’d spend a little more time on this,” said Madalena. “But I’m tired, and my back hurts, and I have woods hair, and I am just really, really not in the mood. So, here’s what’s going to happen. I am going to take you back to my palace. I am going to escort you to the royal bedchamber. Then, we are going to have the best sex you have ever had in your life. Understood?”

“Not really!”

“Good enough,” said Madalena. She grabbed Isabella's arm and yanked her to her feet.

“How are you even this strong?” said Isabella.

“I spent my childhood wrestling pigs to the ground and dragging them to the slaughterhouse,” said Madalena. “And you’re tiny.” Inwardly, she cursed. Why had she told Isabella that? That was the sort of thing people could use against you when you were an evil queen. There was something about Isabella that made Madalena trust her absolutely, that made her want to be vulnerable with her.

It was awful and she hated it.

“You know, I didn’t exactly express enthusiastic consent!” said Isabella, struggling.

“It’s a long walk, I can talk you around, but it'd be great if we could start walking now so we can have a bath and an actual bed sooner,” said Madalena, pulling her forward.

“You betrayed the man I…kind of care about,” said Isabella. “What do you think you can say to convince me?”

“Have I mentioned the thing about how it’ll be the best sex of your life?” said Madalena.

“You have, yes.”

“Hmm,” said Madalena. "And you can see my boobs?”

“Don't be ridiculous," said Isabella, pulling her arm free. Madalena, unable to tear her eyes away from Isabella’s fabulous biceps, wondered if the other woman would be able to beat her in a wrestling match. The thought sent an electrifying shiver down her spine.

“Are you really going to make me do the whole bat-my-eyes, unlace-my-bodice seduction bit?” said Madalena. “Because I am very not in the mood.”

“Neither am I,” said Isabella. “You’re not the only one who woke up with a sore back and woods hair.”

“It’s not the same, you look gorgeous even with the woods hair,” said Madalena.

“Really?” said Isabella, touching her hair. Madalena felt unreasonably pleased that she’d made Isabella happy. Because it meant she would have an easier time seducing her. Of course.

Just then, a hand snaked out from behind a nearby branch and shoved it aside, revealing Galavant.

“Isabella!” he said. “Thank god I’ve found you!”

“Oh, wonderful,” said Madalena. “Galavant, tell Isabella how good I am at sex.”

“I—what?” said Galavant. “I mean, you were, but why would—what?”

“Your ex decided to seduce me," said Isabella. "What? But she's not..." said Galavant. "Do you think we're involved? Is that it? Were you trying to seduce her to hurt me? Because that's a little bit evil." 

“I wasn’t…I wouldn’t have…” said Madalena, floundering, unsure why she felt the need to defend herself. She was trying to be evil. It was her aesthetic. She was committing. She'd sung a song and everything. But...this brand of evil seemed like it would make Isabella think badly of her, and for some reason, that was unacceptable. 

"I'm actually curious what you could possibly have to say for yourself," said Galavant, crossing his arms. 

“I like Isabella, okay?” she blurted out.

They both stared at her.

“I like looking at her,” Madalena continued, “and not just because she looks nice next to me. I want to do nice things from her and make her happy and I don’t care if I get anything out of it. I like her biceps. I like that she was cunning enough to manipulate you but too noble to go through with it. I want to tell her my secrets. All my secrets. God, honestly, it’s taking so much self-control not to spill my guts even more than I already am. I want to smell her hair. I want to hear her...gross snoring next to me in the morning. I want her to like me, and she doesn’t, and that really hurts, and I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what’s happening and I’m scared.”

A bird chirped.

“Wow,” said Isabella. “That is…really sudden.”

“That’s what you’re going to say to my heartfelt confession of…like?” said Madalena, stung.

“Look, that was touching, but Isabella and I sort of have a…thing, going. You know, one of those ‘we constantly argue so clearly we’re meant for each other’ things? So I’d appreciate it if you would sort of…back off,” said Galavant.

Madalena grabbed Isabella, pushed her against a tree, and kissed her, hard.

“Mf!” said Isabella. Then she relaxed, clearly enjoying the kiss.

Madalena pulled away. “Just so you know, he definitely can’t do that. I should know. I’ve kissed him many times.”

Galavant stared, mouth agape. Before he could get himself together enough to respond, however, Madalena heard the sound of someone running towards them. It was King Richard. Yelling at the top of his lungs, he tackled Galavant, knocking him against the tree.

“Ha! Got you while you were distracted!” he said, then, deepening his voice in a futile attempt to sound ominous, "Now you will know true fear!” He paused. “Wait. He’s not fighting back. Why is he not fighting back? I sort of expected him to have pinned me by now.” He got up. “Did…did I do it? Did I beat Galavant?” He stood up. “I beat Galavant! Yes!” He fist-pumped.

“Congratulations, you got lucky,” said Madalena. “I look forward to watching him destroy you when he wakes up.”

“Oh, I’ll be ready for him,” said Richard, doing the deep-voice thing again. “You mark my words, I am a force to be reckoned with.”

“Once I saw you cry for ten minutes after stubbing your toe,” said Madalena.

Just then, they heard a loud “bang” in the distance. They all turned to look, but saw nothing. When she turned back, Madalena thought she saw a flash of colored light, but she figured she had to be imagining things.

“What was that sound?” said Isabella. "It was...very distracting, but in an almost...magical way. Like some sort of...magic distraction."

“Whatever,” said Madalena. “We were making fun of Richard?”

“Honestly, I’m on board with making fun of Richard,” said Isabella.

“What, beating Galavant once wasn’t enough for you?” said Richard. “I’ll do it again!” He knelt down and shook Galavant.

Slowly, Galavant’s eyes opened. Madalena grinned in anticipation, but Galavant didn’t seem like he was about to destroy anything. In fact, he seemed…awed.

“Has anyone ever told you that your hair shines like spun silver in the sun?” said Galavant.

“Well…no,” said Richard, looking pleased. “No one has. Thank you.” He stood up, touching his hair self-consciously.

“What about the beard? Has anyone ever told you that you’re definitely pulling off the beard?”

Madalena and Isabella exchanged confused looks.

“Galavant,” said Richard, his face breaking into a smile. “You are being really nice to me. Actually, I don’t think anyone’s ever been this nice to me in my life.”

“Well, they’re idiots, then,” said Galavant, drawing himself up to his knees. “Wow, you have a lovely smile. I’d climb the highest of mountains, sail the stormiest of seas, and fight the fiercest of dragons to see that smile.”

“Oh, stop, you’re going to make me blush,” said Richard, touching his cheek.

“I’m bored. How long is he going to do this for?” Madalena muttered to Isabella. “I’d really like to get back to seducing you.”

“Look, as nice as that kiss was, there are a lot of unresolved issues between us, and I hardly think that’s the most important thing to focus on at the moment,” Isabella muttered back.

“You thought it was nice?”

Meanwhile, Galavant had begun reciting a sonnet.

“A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion,” he said, “A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted with shifting change, as is false women's fashion.”

“Oh, I love that poem,” said Richard. “It’s my favorite poem about friendship. I used to read it to Gareth all the time.” He suddenly looked shy. “Does this mean…you want to put aside our differences and be friends?”

Galavant stood up.

“All that and more, my King,” he said, and pulled Richard into a passionate kiss. Richard leaned into it at first, eyes closed. Then he pushed Galavant away.

“Whoa,” he said. He stepped back. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Let’s get something straight. I know I act a bit…foppish sometimes, but I am not gay.”

“But—” said Galavant, looking wounded.

“Not that I’m judging you or anything!” said Richard. “Don’t get me wrong! Just…it’s really, really not for me.”

“Richard,” Galavant said, taking a step forward and holding out his arms.

“Nope! Nope, nope, nope,” said Richard. “I’m not doing this. Stay away from me.” He turned and ran.

“Richard, wait! I’m sorry!” Galavant cried, starting after Richard.

“Galavant, stop,” said Isabella, grabbing his arm. “Madalena, help me.”

Madalena, unwilling to refuse Isabella anything, grabbed Galavant’s other arm.

“You don’t understand,” said Galavant. “I have to make him see, get off.”

“Galavant. Madalena,” said Isabella. “Don’t you think there might be something weird going on here?”

“Weird how?” said Galavant.

“I know we live in a world that runs on fairy-tale logic, but come on, literal love at first sight is a bit strange,” said Isabella. “I think the two of you might be under some sort of spell.” Madalena blinked. It was probably the spell talking, but her relief was tinged by disappointment.

“You know, this forest is called the Enchanted Forest,” said Galavant. “Well, technically, it’s called the Enchanted Forest, Not To Be Confused With The Other Enchanted Forest, Which Is A Gay Bar.”

“You know, I really think you’re onto something,” said Madalena. “I mean, when it was just me, it wasn’t quite as weird, because I’ve always sort of thought you were unfairly attractive. But no one could say that about Richard and mean it.”

Galavant put his hand to his sword. “You take that back.”

“You really—” said Isabella. Then she shook her head. “Both of you, focus! We need to figure out how this is happening and come up with a plan.”

“Well, it only happens when we’re unconscious,” said Madalena. She kicked herself for being too distracted by her feelings to realize what was going on earlier.

“Okay. We can work with that,” said Isabella.

 

Galavant and Madalena both watched, hidden by tree branches, as Isabella lied down in the middle of a clearing and stretched exaggeratedly.

"Gosh, I'm feeling very tired," Isabella said loudly. "I think I'll go to sleep here. It would be very inconvenient for me to fall in love with any strangers who happened to be around when I woke up, so I hope that doesn't happen."

“I feel like I should go find Richard,” said Galavant.

“You’re being an idiot,” said Madalena. “This isn’t real. Pretty soon, the spell will be broken, and you’ll be back to feeling the normal amount of revulsion.”

“I’m not going to try to win him back,” said Galavant. “That wouldn’t be fair. I’m just worried. He’s all alone, with no way to defend himself. And I’m worried I hurt his feelings.”

“Oh, please,” said Madalena.

“You know, part of this love spell thing is that it really makes you pay attention to the person,” said Galavant. “You notice their good qualities and their endearing mannerisms and their body language. And Richard comes off as one of those people that everyone is horrible to all the time. Is that true?" 

"Oh, definitely," said Madalena.

"Well, really in love or not, I'd like to be a person who isn't horrible to him," said Galavant. "He deserves one, at least." 

Isabella’s head hit the grass, and she closed her eyes.

“Shut up,” said Madalena. “She’s doing the thing.”

A tiny fairy appeared next to Isabella’s head. Madalena jumped out and grabbed it.

“Talk,” she said.

“It is I, Puck,” said the fairy. “A trickster of the most mischievous sort. I was in the mood for sport when you foolish mortals stumbled into my domain, and I—”

“Blah, blah, blah, we get it, weird sleep love spell,” said Madalena. “Undo it before I snap your neck.”

The fairy squeaked and waved an arm. Just like that, Galavant’s heart untwisted itself. Madalena unclenched her fist, a stunned expression on her face, and the fairy zoomed away.

“It worked!” said Galavant. “Oh god, I’ve really made an ass of myself, haven’t I.”

As if on cue, Richard appeared. "I've got something to say," he announced, striding into the clearing. He looked at Galavant and took a deep breath.

“Galavant,” he said. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”

Galavant cringed, realizing what Richard was about to say. “Richard, it’s—” he began, but Richard shushed him.

“For once, let me say my piece,” he said. “All my life, people have said things about me, sometimes behind my back, usually to my face. They’ve told me that I’m too weak, too feminine, not enough of a man. And when they say these things, the word ‘gay’ gets bandied about a lot. Over time, I became ashamed of myself. More than that, I was afraid. I’d lie awake at night, thinking, what if they were right? What if I really wouldn’t ever be anything but a failure? What if there was something wrong with me?”

“Richard, you should know—” said Isabella, but he shushed her, too.

“I’ve spent a lot of time being jealous of you, Galavant,” said Richard. “You’re the ideal, you know? You’re courageous and noble and you have that chiseled, muscular body. At first, when you did…what you did, I was shocked. But then I realized that you were doing the bravest thing any man can do. You were being honest about your emotions. You were saying to the world, ‘I have feelings for this man, and I’m proud of it, and damn anyone who says I shouldn’t be!’ And I have to admit, I am impressed.”

He took another deep breath.

“It’s always been difficult for me to accept…certain parts of myself. Because I was afraid. Because I was ashamed. But you’ve shown me just how ridiculous that is. You’ve shown me that loving another man can be just as beautiful and noble as loving a woman. And I must admit, I was deeply moved by what you said.” He took Galavant’s hand. “I’m ready to take this journey with you. What do you say?”

Galavant stood there, stunned. A chipmunk chattered.

“He was under a magic love spell,” said Madalena. "Idiot.”

Richard deflated, and Galavant realized that, even though he wasn’t in love with Richard anymore, seeing him like this still hurt.

“Oh, of course!” he said. “I’m under a spell too.” He jerked. “Oh, look at that! It wore off. Must’ve been a bit delayed for me.”

No one said anything.

Galavant cleared his throat. “So. We should probably find Richard’s castle. People will be wondering where we are.”

 

It was a long walk back to the castle. The four of them didn’t speak to each other. They didn’t even look at each other.

Eventually, they reached the castle, and stood awkwardly in front of the gates. No one knew quite what to say.

“You still have a...” Madalena eventually said. She reached out and plucked a twig from Isabella’s hair.

“Thanks,” Isabella said, not meeting Madalena’s eyes. Madalena tossed her hair self-consciously.

“All right,” said Galavant. “Can we all agree never to speak of this again?”

“Yes,” they other three said fervently. That resolved, they walked into the castle together.

(Of course, if there was one thing the four of them were terrible at, it was agreeing).

 

It had been two weeks after the Enchanted Forest Incident, and Sid was beginning to get annoyed.

At first, he’d just been grateful to be sleeping in a guest room instead of a dungeon. Madalena had released Isabella’s parents without much ceremony, and sent a letter cancelling her previously-planned assassination as soon as she got back. Richard hadn’t made any attempts on Galavant’s life. Isabella’s parent’s sometimes dropped some passive-aggressive hints indicating that they were wondering when she was planning on reclaiming the kingdom, but she never responded. The four of them just sort of...lived there, together. No one tried to kick anyone else out, because that would require interacting with any of the others for longer than a few seconds. Whenever one of them walked into a room occupied by one of the others, the second person would awkwardly apologize and leave. They snuck around at mealtimes, each timing their visit to the kitchen so they wouldn’t run into anyone else.

Of course, even though they weren’t talking to each other, they were talking to Sid. And Sid was getting sick of it.

 

“You have to understand, it was a very good kiss,” Isabella said.

“You’ve mentioned,” said Sid. “I’m actually doing a puzzle right now, so if you could just…”

Isabella sat down. Sid sighed.

“She’s a terrible person,” said Isabella. “And she took over my kingdom. Having feelings for her is irresponsible, and it doesn’t make sense. But…it was a very good kiss.” She chewed on her lip. “Do you think she was lying about Galavant being a bad kisser?”

“I really wouldn’t know,” said Sid.

“That’s the other issue. How much of a thing did I have with Galavant? I mean, there was obviously…something, but was there enough of a something that not pursuing it would be a betrayal? I don’t want to do that to him.”

“So don’t,” said Sid, moving the pile of edge pieces farther away from the pile of middle pieces.

“I just wish I could figure out whether I want to kiss her or slap her,” said Isabella.

“Believe me, princess, so do I,” said Sid.

 

“I don’t get it, Sid,” said Galavant. “Why do I keep thinking about what he said?”

“As much as I would love to have this conversation, sir, I was actually on my way to the bathroom,” said Sid.

“I should hate him,” says Galavant. “Or at least pity him. But I actually find his weird little mannerisms sort of endearing. Did you know that when he gets lonely, he has his manservants braid his hair? Come on, you can’t tell me that’s not kind of adorable. And that’s not even getting into all those things he said about me! You should’ve seen the look on his face. I could barely believe how good I made him feel, and it was so easy.”

“If you could just stop blocking the hallway,” said Sid.

“But I’m not gay. I know I’m not gay,” said Galavant. “I had tons of sex with Madalena. Straight sex. So I can’t have feelings for Richard, because having feelings for a man would make me gay, and I’m definitely not gay.”

“Sir, I’ve tried to explain this a dozen times. Bisexuality is—”

“Now’s not the time for your made-up words, Sid,” said Galavant.

“Why won’t you just leave?” Sid said desperately.

“I’ve thought about it,” said Galavant. “But I feel like that would be sort of weird, you know? To just leave without saying anything.” He paused. “Of course, staying here for two weeks without saying anything has also been sort of weird.”

Sid groaned.

 

The second Isabella stepped into the room, Sid locked the door.

“Hey!” said Galavant.

“We’re having a squad meeting,” said Sid. “No one’s leaving this room until you two sort out your issues.”

“I don’t think that's necessary,” said Isabella, avoiding Galavant's eyes.

“Really?” said Sid. “Because I think the three of us have loads to say to each other. Let’s start with you. You’re right, dithering over Madalena is irresponsible. You’re a princess! You have a kingdom! There are five people currently living in this castle who arguably have a claim on Valencia’s throne, and you’ve all been sitting here, avoiding the issue, for two weeks. Meanwhile, nothing’s getting done. You need to stop avoiding Richard and Madalena and figure this out, for the sake of your people.”

“He’s right. You’re being a little immature,” said Galavant.

“And you,” said Sid, rounding on Galavant. “You can’t just hang around in this castle forever. You need to make a decision. Clearly, you have something going on with both Richard and Isabella. But if you don’t do anything about it, it’s just going to hang in the air forever until you lose both of them. I know you’re afraid of getting hurt again, but it’s time to get back on the horse.” He took a deep breath. “Do either of you have anything to add?”

Isabella and Galavant looked at each other.

“I really like you,” said Isabella.

“I really like you, too,” said Galavant.

They kissed. Then they pulled apart.

“That was awful,” said Isabella.

“Completely terrible,” said Galavant.

“I still like you.”

“So do I. Pity, that.”

“You know,” Isabella ventured, “there’s no reason we have to be exclusive.”

Galavant looked taken aback. “That would be pretty unchivalrous of me, don’t you think?”

“Well, no,” said Isabella. “Not if both of us—”

“Oh!” said Galavant. “Both of us! That’s…not something I’d considered.”

“So, are we…” Isabella trailed off.

“Something,” said Galavant. They smiled at each other shyly.

“So, are you two ready to act like adults?” said Sid.

“Yes,” said Isabella. They both turned to leave, then turned back and awkwardly kissed each other again.

“That time was better,” said Isabella.

“Much,” said Galavant. They hurried out of the room, both blushing. Sid smiled in spite of himself, then went off to finally finish his puzzle.

 

“It’s not that complicated. My army beat your army, so now, I’m in charge of Valencia,” said Madalena.

“Yes, but you clearly have no idea how to actually run a country,” said Isabella. “If you want jewels or whatever, you can have that, but leave my people alone.”

"Don't get me wrong, I will take the jewels, but I like power,” said Madalena. “And I’ve earned it.”

“You did literally nothing to earn it,” said Isabella. “You let your husband and his army fight your battles for you.”

They’d been at this for the better part of two hours. Isabella’s face was flushed with anger.

“So you’re saying I should fight my own battles, is that it?” said Madalena.

“I’m saying you shouldn’t demand to rule a country if you have no idea how to—”

“Fine,” said Madalena, not wanting to be in an enclosed space with Isabella and all the pent-up energy from the argument. “Let’s settle this in the ring, one on one. Fencing.”

“Do you even know how to use a sword?” said Isabella.

“Yes. I hit you with the sharp bit,” said Madalena.

“Oh, this should be fun,” said Isabella.

The two of them made their way down to the palace gym and got into their gear. Isabella emerged in a muscle shirt that showed off her toned arms. Madalena couldn’t help staring.

“Just so you know,” said Isabella, “I’m not going easy on you.”

In response, Madalena attacked ferociously, slamming her sword into Isabella’s. Unfortunately, Isabella didn’t seem impressed, and her actual training gave her an advantage despite Madalena’s intensity.

“Would you just lose already,” Madalena gasped. She could feel her face flushing, and her hair was beginning to come undone.

“What, afraid of a challenge?” said Isabella, disarming Madalena with a flick of her sword.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” Madalena growled. She lunged at Isabella. Caught off guard, Isabella dropped her sword and staggered back, falling to the floor. They started wresting. “You know,” said Madalena, “some days, my mother would send me to the market to pick up some meat, and I’d have to fight the butcher’s boy for it. He was six feet tall. I was ten.” Isabella reached for the sword, but Madalena pulled her back.

“You learned how to fight from your father,” Madalena spat. “Because you thought it would be fun.”

“Don’t act like I’m some kind of spoiled princess,” said Isabella, shoving Madalena’s arm. “Not after what you did to me.”

“WhatI did to you?” said Madalena. “You made me have a feeling. It was awful.” 

“Oh, was it?” said Isabella, smiling evilly. 

“What are you thinking,” said Madalena. “Whatever it is, stop thinking that.” 

Isabella rolled them over, pinning Madalena. “I asked Galavant what he saw in you, while we were journeying together. He said you were perceptive. Clever. Fierce.” 

“Don’t you dare,” said Madalena. 

“And you know what? When I’m looking for it, I notice it,” said Isabella. “And I like it.” 

“I hate you,” Madalena said desperately. 

“I admire you, sometimes,” she said. “I admire you a lot. And it doesn’t hurt that you’re beautiful.” 

Madalena grabbed Isabella’s head, pulled it towards her, and kissed her, hard. Isabella kissed back. It was a sweaty, sticky kiss, and Isabella tasted sort of musty and didn’t know what to do with her tongue, but she could’ve stayed there for days without complaining. 

Finally, Isabella pulled away. “Hope you enjoyed your feelings,” she said. 

“Wait, don’t go,” said Madalena desperately. “I liked my feeling. I missed it. I want it back.” 

“What?” said Isabella. 

“I…I’m starting to wonder if the reason I’ve been in love wasn’t because I’m…evil or something. Maybe it’s because no one’s ever fought back.” 

Isabella closed her eyes. “God,” she said. “I look at you, and I can see it. Under all the awful, there’s this amazing person I can’t touch. It’s been driving me mad.” 

“I like the awful,” Madalena said defensively. “It’s aesthetically correct awful.” 

“Could you maybe think about compromising on some of the awful?” said Isabella. 

Madalena swallowed, looking at Isabella’s wild hair, her strong arms, her lovely brown eyes. “I’ll think about it.”

 

Richard followed his chef into the kitchen.

“I wish you'd just tell me what it is you want to show me,” he said. The chef opened the door, only to reveal Galavant, sitting at a candlelit table full of food.

“Surprise!” the chef said nervously.

“Galavant, what on earth?” said Richard. He crossed his arms defensively. “Is this a joke? Because people have done this to me before, and I really don’t think it’s funny.”

“No, not a joke,” Galavant assured him. “Trust me, I wouldn’t do that to you.” Against his better judgment, Richard did trust him. He sat down.

“So,” he said, picking up his fork. “This is…”

“An apology, in part,” said Galavant. “For not following up with you about…everything.”

“Oh,” said Richard, reddening. “And the, ah, other part?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said to me,” said Galavant. “You’re, uh, speech. It was ridiculous, but it was also very moving.”

“Oh,” said Richard. He felt warm in spite of himself, and braced himself for the other shoe to drop. It always did.

“And, here’s the thing,” said Galavant. “What I felt for you under that spell wasn’t real. But I also didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, based on what I’ve picked up from talking to Gareth and the jester and the chef. You are loyal to the people you care about. You do have nice hair. You’re pulling off the beard. And underneath all the evil king stuff, I think you do have a gentle heart.”

“Well, um, I,” Richard stammered. He felt so light he thought he might float away. “I appreciate that.”

“So, if you’d like,” said Galavant, “this could be our first date.”

“I, um, yes, like,” said Richard. “I mean, I’d like. That.”

He took Galavant’s hand.

 

The four of them got dinner at the same time, the next night. Madalena’s hair was undone, and both of them had ferocious grins on their faces. Richard kept sneaking sidelong glances at Galavant and shivering a little, as if overwhelmed by the fact that they were together.

Madalena was the one to break the silence.

“Just so you know,” she said, “Isabella’s also a terrible kisser.”

“Hey!” said Isabella.

Richard and Galavant laughed. Madalena joined in. And after looking affronted for a moment, Isabella laughed, too.

“We’ll work on it,” Galavant said. “Together.” He took Isabella’s hand. Madalena took her other hand. Richard, not to be left out, held Galavant’s hand. They sat for a moment, shy, self-conscious, then, realizing they needed their hands available to eat their food, let go.


End file.
